Who's the imposter now?

In the words of Alanis Morissette, isn’t it ironic!

Last week, as I hobbled out of the gym at 7am, pleasantly surprised by the blue skies and ‘fake’ spring weather (yet less surprised by the already present muscle soreness from split squats), I opened my WhatsApp to see several “congratulations” messages from friends and family.

Now, I must say I did try extra hard on those last few reps, but I’m not sure it warranted a chorus of celebration… and moreover, how the hell did they know!?

Confused, I opened the messages and saw screenshots and links to the Prolific North ‘Female Entrepreneur of the Year’ shortlist.

Still bewildered as to what the hell was going on, I clicked the link and there it was.

My face.

My big, grinning mugshot, name and company logo under the shortlisted nomination for the entrepreneur award!

I felt sick.

Panic flooded over me.
Every fibre of my being wanted to crawl into a cave and hide.
And as if guided by a sixth sense, with perfect telepathic timing, my husband’s face popped up on my screen: “Incoming call from Husband”.

“Have you seen the article? You’ve been shortlisted for an award!” he exclaimed with gleeful pride.

As my skin writhed, I responded with a pained and forced ‘happiness’, the kind that anyone from a mile off, let alone your husband, knows is utter crap!

Finally, after a light spouse interrogation, I broke:

“It’s embarrassing. I don’t belong in that line-up. I’m just a person who does stuff!!?”
(In hindsight, not my strongest argument, but the sentiment still stood.)

The phone went silent. At this point, I presumed my ever supportive and loving husband was racking his brain, thinking of something insightful yet understanding, acknowledging yet inspiring to say to banish this feeling I had and leave me glowing with pride…

“Sounds like imposter syndrome… there is a course on Be Your Own Coach for that!”

....The little shit!

But he was right. I hadn’t realised it, but what I was experiencing was imposter syndrome.

Now, I do a lot of work in the field of confidence and imposter syndrome, and more often than not this work is in relation to pushing out of a comfort zone as an action or task. For example, a presentation, a promotion, a new career, joining a sports team or embarking on a new hobby.

With all these examples, we always discuss how it is completely normal to feel like an imposter. Ultimately, your brain is trying to keep you safe and it cannot guarantee what you are doing is safe. Therefore, it will probably try to hold you back via thoughts and feelings of anxiety, overwhelm and self-doubt.

Hell, I am no stranger to feeling out of my comfort zone. My first ever public speaking group workshop over 10 years ago was to a room full of medical professionals, specialists and NHS clinical directors, and took place in a venue where, to reach the front door, you had to play a game of zigzag between a selection of Bentleys, Aston Martins and Porsches. Bearing in mind I had stayed in a dodgy lastminute.com hotel for £60 a night in order to avoid paying the £200+ morning Manchester to London train ticket, I can easily recall questioning my sanity as I approached that conference room.

And now, honestly, I actively chase feeling out of my comfort zone. After all, that is growth, right? I know I can feel stagnant if I am not challenged, and two of my values are learning and growth, so I lean into the feelings of discomfort and thrive in the unknown.

But this felt different.

I sat and pondered the discomfort until the answer became glaringly obvious. This wasn’t pushing out of a comfort zone. It was a shift in identity.
The word entrepreneur isn’t something I would ever use to describe myself. A business owner, yes. A founder, yes. A coach, yes. A sarcastic northerner, most definitely. But an entrepreneur?
In my mind, entrepreneur is a word reserved for the Steven Bartlett brigade. The Sara Davies and Grace Beverley’s of the world… not me.
By seeing my name under the heading, I felt an undeserved recognition and an opportunity for public criticism. I felt like I was claiming to be something I am not. But in reality, by definition, I guess I do belong there. 

I thought of my good friend Jenna, an insane marathon runner. Nuts.

Is she in the Olympics? No.
The Commonwealth Games? No.
Is she a runner? My god, yes!

So why have I set this bar that unless you are on Dragons’ Den or being publicly humiliated by Lord Sugar, you are not worthy of the label ‘entrepreneur’?

I had done the interview, secured the role, passed probation, yet I was holding myself back from collecting the name badge.

Right there and then, in the gym car park, I took a very large gulp of my own medicine and decided I was going to step into that role. I didn’t feel ready or comfortable, but that is the point. I just knew I had to.

I have dedicated my career to the research and development of empowering individuals to step into their futures. If I am to hold my head up high, I need to do the same.
I also hope that in doing so, other female business owners will identify with my story, my journey and my career, and use this as a springboard to elevate themselves and to share and celebrate their successes, not to hold themselves back by preconceived ideas, silent boundaries and labels.

So yes, I am getting comfortable in the discomfort of being proud to be shortlisted for Female Entrepreneur of The Year. I am proud of the business I have built and the platform I have co-founded, as this has provided the access to coach, help and support thousands of individuals to achieve their goals and push out of their comfort zones! And for me, that is what it is all about.

..oh and if you see me at the awards “do”... I’ll take a Whisky please… make it a double!